What Star Wars has become

I guess I’ve been going on the nerves of quite a few people referring to “Disney’s” Star Wars as abomination and to Disney themselves as the Rat.

At first, I just wanted to expand my previous post with a sentence or two, but then I realized those sentences would be better as a new post 🙂

Anyway, without further ado, I’m going to make a few points here to (try to) show you how retarded the “new Star Wars” is; that it really is an abomination and that Disney (Mickey Mouse) does deserve to be called the Rat.

One thing before, though: I don’t have a personal issue with Disney. As I said in the previous post, Star Wars could have been sold to McDonald’s for all I care, as long as it wasn’t turned into this farce.

Let’s take a look at a spinning lightsaber, introduced in 2014 in Star Wars Rebels and, thus, being canon (as you can clearly see on Wookieepedia‘s article about the weapon), mkay? This description of the weapon was taken from Wookieepedia (on 28 May 2016):

It could also be used to fly, spinning in a propeller-like motion strong enough to lift the wielder off the ground. This was often used as a way to escape. – let me get this straight, a lightsaber (aka laser sword) “is able” to produce energy strong enough to lift someone of the ground by spinning [frankly, it’s a total mystery to me how a laser beam can produce any kind of (kinetic) energy, spinning or being still; but, hell, that’s just me and my generation that was thought basics of physics in (primary) school 🙂 ]. Now what the bloody fuck?!

Speaking of a spinning lightsaber, there’s always the question why such a sophisticated weapon would be used by mere inquisitors and not the mighty Sith Lords 😮

Similarly, The Force Awakens itself is full of such crap. I’m just going to mention three most obvious pathetic stupidities that people often overlook in the whole movie experience.

There is Starkiller Base. What’s Starkiller Base? It’s a superweapon power by a star. To fire a single shot it needs to suck a star (i.e. its sun) dry and we saw it in the movie being used a few times (i.e. firing multiple shots). So it sucks its sun dry, then a short time afterwards, it sucks the sun dry again and fires another shot. Note that it would take a star bloody aeons at best to replenish itself after being sucked dry. There is also the “mystery of its construction”. How could such a weapon be built in secrecy by an organization that’s pretty much a terrorist cell?! They managed to conceal it’s construction in the Unknown Regions? Mkay… Now I only wonder how such an organization managed to finance the construction of such a superweapon (I guess building the thing wasn’t cheap…) 😮 You see how retarded the concept of Starkiller Base is 🙂

Now, there is a fight between Kylo Ren and Finn. A mighty sith almost bested by a storm trooper at a lightsaber duel?! In other words, a swordsman mage with years of experience of wielding a sword almost bested at a sword fight by a commoner who wielded a sword for the first time… Now tell me that ain’t just idiotic! …and there’s Kylo’s wannabe crossguard lightsaber.

Speaking of stormtroopers, there’s the recruitment of stormtroopers by the First Order, a 30year old organization (yes, a terrorist cell) at most recruits their soldiers by taking the children and drilling them into stormtroopers from the earliest age. And in those 30 years (tops) they managed to create one of the biggest if not the biggest army in the galaxy. And, again, they managed to do it under the nose of the New Republic. Well, I must say that either the First Order is really that good or the New Republic is that incompetent. Now, both of those cases would make a bad story, right? So the First Order’s stormtrooper recruitment is quite similar to how the old Jedi Order had filled their ranks up. The difference is that the Jedi hadn’t had to hide their recruitment from anyone (hell, the Republic – the most powerful government in the galaxy at the time – even endorsed their recruitment); they had never been an army and their ranks had always been relatively small and, most importantly, they had been recruiting like that for hundreds of generations… and they had ever never reached the scale the First Order “had” …in just a few decades. Hmm… I know! Maybe the First Order inherited (all…) their stormtroopers, and with them the recruitment system, from the Empire! Yeah, about that… Since an Imperial academy appeared in that Saturday morning cartoon Star Wars: Rebels, Imperial academies have officially become canon. That’s how the Empire recruited their forces …and, suffice it to say, although young, they were older than 4. And the First Order should have had difficulty then establishing (that efficient) academies of their own because, yes, they’re not much more than a big terrorist cell.

In conclusion, I hope you see that the whole franchise has been turned into a children’s show. Let the kids have their cartoons, but making a cartoon (e.g. Star Wars: Rebels) canon while removing more mature works from canon… In addition, introducing naive illogical crap into the main saga…

A little update (7th June 2017)

Two days ago a shiny video was uploaded to YouTube

I’d like to share it. It’s only 2:54 min long and says it all.

Note that Rebels were compared with Coruscant Nights. Of course, Coruscant Nights are a zillion times better than the Saturday morning cartoon, but the fact is that Coruscant Nights is the worst Star Wars book series I’ve read, mostly because of its ridiculous continuity (e.g. it is claimed on multiple occasions in the books that Padme left for Mustafar before Palpatine’s proclamation, a crucial event happened “20 years ago at the end of the Clone Wars”, yet the books should be set immediately after the Clone Wars).
I haven’t thought about Rebels being a Coruscant Nights rip-off, but now that I think about it… Anyway, if the Saturday morning cartoon is a rip-off of a shit like the Coruscant Nights, then no wonder it’s so retarded. I mean, what else could happen when you pervert something already stupid?!

Originally posted on May 28th, 2016 at 12:39 GMT
Updated on June 7th, 2017 at 17:03 GMT
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2 thoughts on “What Star Wars has become

  1. Pingback: Open letter | Nelandir's Independent Trading Co.

  2. Pingback: Why The Force Awakens sucks ass | Nelandir's Independent Trading Co.

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