Star Wars: Rebels

I have just watched the last episode of Star Wars: Rebels.

So Mickey the Rat said: No, the rebellion hadn’t started the way it was described in “The Force Unleashed and Kyle Katarn did not steal Death Star plans [meaning that I went through all that trouble of enduring the crappy graphics of Dark Forces in the first level of the game for nothing 😀 ] (and other crap too) and what did we get in return?! Another Saturday morning cartoon (the other being The Clone Wars), of course!

Somehow, I hoped that Star Wars: Rebels would be a real series with real actors about a realistic rebel cell 😮

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad Star Wars is being shown to the younger public. That’s a great way to introduce people with Star Wars from the earliest age! However, Star Wars I knew wasn’t a children’s show in essence. Yet, that is exactly what Star Wars has become of late. I wish I could say that the process’s been going on since Disney’s acquisition. Unfortunately, the process has been going on as early as The Clone Wars when the canon priority was given to the cartoon. The Rat has even gone further by saying that everything except the movies (I’m pretty sure he’d cancel the previous movies too if he could) and the bloody cartoon ain’t canon. Then they make another Saturday morning cartoon making it canon while cancelling stuff like the mentioned Force Unleashed, Dark Forces, Shadows of the Empire and so on. So yeah, you can make as many cartoons as you want, but you should give priority to the real stuff. Since the rat cancelled everything from the Expanded Universe, why did he keep a Saturday morning cartoon canon?!

I know that Maul cut in half with his mechanical legs is cool to kids, but as your brain develops, you know that it is idiotic to imply that someone would survive without taking neither a piss nor a shit for 10 years (his body being cut from the ass below and him being on a planet with no medical care for these 10 years…). That lighsaber of the Inquisitor might look cool, but everyone can see how impractical and clumsy such a weapon would be… not to mention the blade spinning is just a tiny bit improbable and silly. What about a kid shooting stormtroopers down with a slingshot? What about a droid having a jet engine where its midwheel is in other scenes? Then there is an asteroid with breathable atmosphere, normal gravity and temperate temperatures. Even as a kid I knew that such an asteroid is unlikely to say the least…
On top of all of it, the rat introduced childishness in the movies. Check the idiotic saber in this trailer of Episode VII. It’s, actually, supposed to be cool and I’m sure kids find it cool but, seriously, what is the bloody purpose of having deadly lasers popping out of the hilt?! I mean, they are too small to threaten the opponent, but perfect for cutting the wielder’s fingers. I mean, yeah crossguard is quite shiny and useful on a steel sword, but on a lightsaber also known as lasersword (LASER – figure it out yourself)… So, the Rat decided to keep more of the Expended Universe! In addition to a Saturday morning cartoon, he dug out an idiotic lightsaber (crossguard lightsaber, a saber like the one as seen in the trailer already appeared in a comic)!

And why is the Rat turning Star Wars into a children’s show? Money, of course! Think about it, you’re more likely to buy a movie ticket for your kid, so he can watch his favourite movie on a big screen than you are for yourself. You can probably wait for a DVD release (not to mention  the leaks) and the big screen isn’t that important to you, but you’d do anything for your child and buying a movie ticket certainly ain’t much. If nothing else, then to keep an impatient brat quite. That being said, I can say with a pretty big certainty that Lucas wasn’t thinking about anything but money when he sold Star Wars to the Rat. After all, what was the amount he sold Star Wars for? $ 4.05 billion? Indeed, Trey Parker and Matt Stone were quite right to depict Lucas raping a stormtrooper all those years ago (in 2008 to be precise, the year when The Clone Wars cartoon started airing 🙂 ) in South Park.

Finally, the Rat should have stuck with the Pirates instead of messing with Star Wars. That way, at least we’d have another Pirates movie by now and I guess it would be good, since every Pirate movie thus far kicks ass 😀 Pirates of the Caribbean are the most mature Disney work anyway…

P.S. The lightsaber blades in Star Wars: Rebels are so lame…

Posted on May 6th, 2015 at 15:21 GMT
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